What Are We Even Worth

>You'll never experience young love
>You'll never have the chance to go through a stereotypical teenage dating relationship
>You'll never make her get excited and write down "date with anon" on calendar while thinking about you all night
>that incredible smile will never be for you
>She'll never hear you knocking at the front door and coming rushing over to answer it, stopping quickly by the hallway mirror to double-check that her hair is set perfectly in the pony-tail she knows you love
>She will never hang out with you after a tired, stressful day that made her sad and just hug you and put her face in between your arm and chest and breathe deeply and fall asleep on the bed (this is all before you guys are officially dating and are still friends) and then she wakes up an hour later groggy eyed and looks up at you deeply in your eyes and she says "Anon, I really like you" and you swallow in your dry throat and choke out "I really like you too" and she moves up your body to face level and you two finally kiss deeply and she drifts back to sleep again but this time with her face in your neck and you hear her mutter "I love you anon, I always have...." and your eyes get all wet but you hold back tears because you don't want her to know how much this means to you.
>You'll never be able to give your life to someone who could take advantage of your opportunities
>You'll never get the chance to show someone how much you want to give, even if you don't know how to receive
>You'll never pleasantly surprise someone who initially underestimated you or wrote you off
>You'll never be able to speak without feeling like you're just bothering someone
>You'll never understand what it feels like for someone to want you to come somewhere, to have someone be content or cheered by just your presence
>You'll never make someone happy
>You'll never know what it's like to have someone really value you. To love you.
>You'll be alone
>You'll die alone
>Your bloodline has come to an end

Games

When I play a game, I can forget about my subpar life. I can forget about who I am, what I have to do tomorrow, the bad that happened yesterday. If I don't like the way my game is going I can reset it, or just play a new game entirely. I can be who I want to be, know how in game characters are going to respond to me, and do anything I want. I can change outcomes, be a difference maker.

I don't remember the last game I enjoyed. The last game I became completely immersed in, to the point where my days would be filled with an aching desire to come back to it, replacing any other desires in this world.

When I play games now, I just don't get the same enjoyment. Hell, not even close. I'm constantly chasing that feeling of escapism, but nothing even comes to the purity it once brought, not anymore. I used to get that feeling with almost every game as a kid. Every game led me down a deep hole of immersion unmatched by the physical world.

But that is gone now.

Who I am is fading away.