Games

When I play a game, I can forget about my subpar life. I can forget about who I am, what I have to do tomorrow, the bad that happened yesterday. If I don't like the way my game is going I can reset it, or just play a new game entirely. I can be who I want to be, know how in game characters are going to respond to me, and do anything I want. I can change outcomes, be a difference maker.

I don't remember the last game I enjoyed. The last game I became completely immersed in, to the point where my days would be filled with an aching desire to come back to it, replacing any other desires in this world.

When I play games now, I just don't get the same enjoyment. Hell, not even close. I'm constantly chasing that feeling of escapism, but nothing even comes to the purity it once brought, not anymore. I used to get that feeling with almost every game as a kid. Every game led me down a deep hole of immersion unmatched by the physical world.

But that is gone now.

Who I am is fading away.